Am I helping? Or am I adding to the misery?
I woke this morning feeling the profoundly deep sadness that has now become familiar to me. I am grieving for my daughter and there are days I miss her so much I can barely walk. Some days I sink into the feeling, allowing myself to give in to it. Other times I drag myself out of the darkness and slowly start to put into practice all the strategies that I teach to my students and talk about on Happy stuff and fluff. I do that today and it works. I start to feel better.
Then, I make the mistake of checking Face-book. It’s a mistake because my usually happy, inspirational newsfeed is filled with anger and vitriol. People are angry at the government, angry at politicians and angry in general.
I understand that most of this is fuelled by fear and uncertainty.
Some of it is also fuelled by the certain knowledge that if ‘they’ were handling the current situation (Coronavirus) they would surely do a better job. These comments are often peppered with unrepeatable expletives used to indulge in useless government bashing without actually offering viable solutions.
I am saddened for different reasons now.
Everyone at least in this country is allowed an opinion and I understand that people are angry. I also recognize the value of social media/Facebook I just wish people wouldn’t use it simply to spew out their anger all over newsfeeds. It does not help anyone.
What it can do, is spread fear, spread anger and deepen the depression of the more vulnerable person who might just be reading it.
I am worried about Coronavirus too. I am horrified at the deaths and concerned about the economy. We are all frustrated by the situation. So, tell me what you disagree with, offer better solutions. Don’t hammer someone who believes differently to you. Be open to discussion. There could, indeed be a better way.
If you really feel so angry and frustrated about the way Coronavirus is being handled – write to your MP or political representative – they have to hear you. Complain in the right way to the right person who may actually be able to do something about it. By name calling – government bashing and constantly complaining – you become part of the problem.
The emphasis seems to have shifted to blame and who is at fault for lockdowns, rather than on those people actually suffering from Coronavirus.
You may have to stay indoors, you may have to take a pay cut, you may even lose your job – or your business. There is help available to help you with all of that. And just so that you know, I have experienced all of those things at one time or another. I completely understand the devastation.
However, I lost my mother, my sister and my daughter to cancer. The thought of any one of them not having been able to access the treatment available to them because there was ‘no room at the inn.’ Is beyond human tolerance.
It is what it is – we are in lockdown – take all precautions, help where you can. Post on Facebook all day long but maybe ask yourself the question before you post –
‘Is this helping?’ or am I adding to the misery?
Interested to hear your polite thoughts in the comments.
People used to shout at the television and complain to a few friends in person or on the phone. And the friends could give them feedback to “chill out” without being called a troll. Now people, as you so rightly said, spew stuff everywhere.
Complaining without offering a viable option is just whining (FDR). Not listening to others’ points of view respectfully is just selfish.
My mother and I would discuss “all that’s wrong in the world” and usually end that part of the conversation with the comment “Well, if I were in charge I’d probably mess something up.” It’s good to be humble, but humble doesn’t seem to be on the social media table these days.
I love that you encourage people to ask themselves if they are actually helping or making things worse. Some people justify by saying “well, this has to be talked about so people see it,” but it’s HOW it’s talked about that is important.
Nice thought-provoking post, Christine. Thank you.
Hi Kim I value your input and I agree with you so much. I do believe anger has its place but if effecting change is the goal- ‘It is ‘HOW it is talked about that is important.’ Thank you so much for taking the time comment. .
Thank you Christine for this. People need to hear it.
Hi Angie – please feel free to share the post -and thank you for your comment – you know I appreciate you.
Honestly I’ve completed disengaged from anything I can’t control. I’ve stopped watching the news completely. It’s not that I don’t care, but I don’t have enough energy to care about things I can’t change or influence.
I’m in a zone atm where I’m just along for the ride. A sort of calm within the chaos. Obviously I still hear about the news from friends & family but rather than raging against my powerlessness… I’ve just accepted it for peace of mind.
I read something earlier this year that said there are three types of people in the face of uncertainty, those who resist & break the rules, those who resist & suffer through anxiety & those who accept. I don’t think there’s any right way… I just found myself choosing my personal peace of mind over engaging with the world.
Hi Fiona – Wise to watch less of the news right now. Who was it who said, ‘What you resist persists’? (I know you will know lol) was correct. Acceptance is key. Accepting reality does not accepting the situation. Rather, it is what it is – what do we do now? We all have a choice about what we do but choosing from a place of anxiety, fear or anger rarely results in a good decision. ‘Have the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can – and the wisdom to know the difference.’ Thank you so much for your comment Fiona and stay safe.
I agree with you completely Christine. I don’t want to look at a lot of fb posts I see, so I scroll on by. I’ve snoozed some ‘friends’ as I seem to be unable to ignore the negativity. I am confused and stressed by the world around me right now and have no answers so don’t offer my opinions. I don’t watch the news. My husband is always angry right now; angry at the COVID restrictions; angry at people who ignore them; angry at politicians; angry our daughter-in-law died 6 months ago. I can’t snooze him or shut him out; so I go outside – a lot! – and list all my blessings large and tiny. I start my mornings in prayer and thankfulness for all the beauty and blessings in my world, and in the world in general. It is enough that I then feel uplifted, but at the same time I fervently believe that if enough of us live, think, and act in thankfulness, kindness, love and hope, that we shift the acrimony and hatred into something wonderful! My heart aches for you as your grieve. I hold you, your daughter and family in my prayers. Blessings, Heather Anne
So sorry to hear about your daughter in law Heather. It is enough to deal with, without all the rest. I have to say I laughed at your comment about not being able to ‘snooze’ your husband. I think -given the current nightly news it is easy to forget that there are more of us who believe and act in ‘thankfulness, kindness, love and hope. Your words are refreshing to hear and give me hope! Thank you so much for your comment, I appreciate it so much. Take care Heather
I have stopped replying on negative posts both political or otherwise. I’ve unfollowed anyone with a polar opposite view than mine for my own mental health. Basically, due to covid and USA politicals it would be easy to be stressed. Taking a breather from reality….,
Right now, I think a break from ‘reality’ is a good thing – come back refreshed lol. Thank you for your comment.